An archive of the writings of Assanova
Originally posted on: Feb 22, 2011.
I’m about to say something very unplayer-like: make women wait on sex. Well, at least make them wait on sex if you are looking for a relationship. If you are serious about getting into a relationship, then sleeping with a woman right away is one of the worst things that you can possibly do. I can’t say this with 100% certainty, but I’ve been with enough women to know what comes of having sex too soon.
Why make women wait on sex? From my experiences, when you wait on sex, you tend to be a lot happier with each other. Why? Because once you take sex out of the equation for awhile, you learn to like each other, and there is a pretty big incentive to keep coming back and actually try to learn about the person. You know that you are not going to have sex, so you do the next best thing: talk to each other. In turn, you end up having a solid foundation outside of sex to continue to see each other.
My happiest relationships were those where I waited to have sex. Why? Because when we weren’t having sex, we had other reasons to hang-out and talk to each other. There was no awkwardness, no rush to leave, and there was just an incentive to stick around: we had already learned to like being around each other.
What happens when you have sex too soon, before you really know the person inside and out? It tends to stay a purely sexual relationship. And sooner or later? It falls apart. You really don’t learn to like each other. Everytime you see each other, it turns into sex. And since you really don’t know each other all that well, you have sex to avoid the awkwardness.
Sure, you could attempt to get to know each other, but from my experiences, it never works out. When things go wrong, you don’t have much of an incentive to work things out. Why not? Because you don’t really know the person, and you already had sex, so there is no real common ground or incentive to work things out.
But what if you find yourself dealing with a girl who insists on sex? You’re going to have those girls that will surprise you by being naked in the bedroom, you’re going to have those girls that will yank you into a bedroom, and you’re going to have those girls who will try to rape you as soon as they get you alone. There are two things you can do: one, don’t put yourself in those situations, or two, let her know that you’re not going to have sex with her anytime soon.
Again, this post is very unplayer-like. However, if you are actually thinking about a relationship, then make women wait on sex. A sex-based relationship tends to stay that way. If you actually want to keep the girl, then you need a foundation other than sex. You’re going to be much happier with each other because of it.