An archive of the writings of Assanova
Originally posted on: Feb 28th, 2012.
Men think that figuring women out is this incredibly difficult process, when in fact, it is much easier than most men think. Ask any woman what she wants in a man’s personality, and she’ll pretty much tell you. Women want a man that is classy yet masculine; a guy that is nice but not needy; a guy that is positive and upbeat; and a guy that is confident but not arrogant. More or less, what women want is right there in front of you.
If what most women want, as far as personality goes, is right there in front of you, then why do most men choose to ignore it? It’s because of the way that men think. They are goal oriented, and they tend to see the individual acts instead of the whole. When a guy comes to me, he doesn’t ask me how he can make himself a more attractive man. He usually comes to me with an individual goal, such as getting a girl into bed, getting women to follow-through after getting a phone number, or getting a woman to notice him.
These guys are looking very specific things that they can do to reach a very specific goal. Instead of changing who they are as a person, they look for these very external type of things that they can do to get women, because more or less, they don’t want to change who they are. Why? Because changing who they are would involve admitting that they have a very flawed personality, which no man ever wants to do. Every man wants to think that he is great, and nothing is wrong with his personality; only what he is doing.
Women aren’t going to be attracted to the individual acts that you do. They’re going to be attracted to who you are as a whole. And what I mean by that, is that a woman isn’t going to be attracted to one or two gestures that are meant to be seen as attractive. They’re going to look at your entire personality. Instead of one or two gestures, they’re going to look at their entire interaction with you and judge you based on that.
That is one of the reasons why game is pointless, because it doesn’t change who you are on a fundamental level. A guy can open a door for a girl, but if he is an asshole, it’s going to show. A guy can ignore a girl for a moment, but if he is a needy guy, it’s going to show. Understand where I’m going with this? If you want to do better with women, then you have to be willing to admit that your personality is the problem, and not the individual acts themselves.